I just celebrated another birthday..... And for all the people that wanted to make a big fuss about it, my single reply was "It's just another day". Nothing has changed, the calender of life has simply clicked over by 365 days and when you get to my age (mid 30's) birthdays are about clowns, balloons & Toy Story invitations for your children - not making a big deal about your own. I am actually looking forward to a quiet day & night of pottering around my house and later curling up with my new book... boring to some, heaven to me.
My husband comes home from work to tell me he has organised a baby-sitter and we have dinner reservations in a very fancy restaurant this evening. WOW - SUPER EXCITED!! Not only at the fact that I get an uninterrupted night with my super gorgeous husband, but I actually get to go out like a grown-up without hearing 'Put that down / Stop hitting your brother / Inside voice please" come out of my mouth for a whole night!!!!
Dinner is booked for 7pm, so I jump in the shower at 5pm and proceed to do the ritual of hair / make-up / outfit mission, all the while thinking "I will put a little more effort in than the usual slap-on of make-up or tied back hair because it is a special occasion & I am going out as a WOMAN with my gorgeous husband"...
An hour later, there are hair dryers, curling irons, discarded clothes and an abundance of make up from one side of the bedroom to the other - and I am almost EXHAUSTED from this womanly ritual of getting oneself ready! I think to myself while applying a second coat of mascara - "How do woman do this daily for work or even weekly for girls nights out??" because I am ready to put on my Pj's, make a coffee and curl up with my book! All of this effort for "Just Another Day", but instead, we jump in the car & are off to dinner...
Dinner was lovely, and it did feel nice to be out and about in the world, but weirdly enough it wasn't my world. Twenty-somethings running & giggling through the mall... groups of people ready to go out clubbing.... it all seemed so distant from my normal reality. When hubby asked if I wanted to go to the Casino after dinner, or maybe a walk through Surfers Paradise all I could say was 'Baby, I wanna go home'... By this stage, my hair had gone frizzy, my feet were starting to ache from the high heels I made myself wear 'to put more womanly effort in' (instead of my comfy flat lace up boots!), my face felt heavy from all the make up I had on, and I now had a full belly - which in my world, meant bedtime was not far away.
On the drive home I found myself thinking about the irony of the situation... As a Mum, and a Work AT HOME Mum, you spend a lot of time wishing you could escape those four walls more often, even just to grab a coffee; that you could have more opportunities to be a woman instead of a routine caregiver; that you could leave the comfy trackie pants in the clothes hamper and finally put on that dress you were given for Xmas 2yrs ago but never went anywhere to wear.... And yet, when I got the chance to do all of these things, my whole being was yearning to be home in the comfort of all I sometimes wish to escape.
Flash forward 30 mins and I am stepping out of the shower, hair shampooed, conditioned and tied back in a neat plait, pajamas on, cuppa in one hand, book in the other heading over to our comfy old lounge that is sitting there ready to welcome me back like another member of the family.
I sit down with the biggest smile on my face since 5pm that day and think, is it really 'Just Another Day'??
No it's not. It's my birthday, I'm getting older... and I'm ok with that.
Long gone are the days of nightclubs, heavy makeup & must have fashion; and honestly, I don't miss them one bit! I now admire Mothers who continue to have a social life, because the tiring thought of it alone makes me reach for my pillow and curl up that little bit tighter.
Laying in bed at 11.30pm as I drift off to sleep I realise... All of those things I thought I longed for outside of these familiar four walls are so foreign and uncomfortable to me that they could never compare to the safe, warm security blanket I have created on the inside of them - and I so wouldn't have it any other way.
Happy Birthday to me...
Smiles & Happiness, Haylie x